Mom, I HATE School!

Okay, here we go.   Your worst nightmare is happening, well, maybe not your worst, but definitely one of them.

Everybody else’s kids seem to be delighted to be going back to school and yours is still lying in bed with the covers drawn tightly over the top of their little head.   And, in a muffled voice you can hear, “I don’t want to go, I want to stay home.” (P.S. I HATE SCHOOL)

You thought you had navigated beyond this problem by the end of last school year, but alas….it is back in your face again and it is only the first month of a ten month school year.  Help! More and more frequently today the “I don’t want to go to school” virus is hitting in homes all over the nation.   The good news, you’re not alone.  The bad news……what are you going to do about it?

The reasons for this increased demand by young spirits attempting to keep their inherent and birthright “love for learning” alive are obvious:  for many complex reasons schools have become focused on test scores and grades with little focus on learning, the student, and how they feel.   But, you feel powerless to change this so how are you going to protect your child, get them out of bed and off to school, and somehow turn what at its root seems like a hopeless situation into a positive, exhilarating successful school year?

You CAN DO IT. You can figure this out.

As parents it is our job to sort through what is going on here and seek solutions.  Here are some questions to ask yourself when sorting through the causation for your student’s negative feelings about school and some tips on what action steps you might consider.

What is Going on at School

Does your student feel safe/secure/heard/seen and nurtured at school?   If not, what in the school environment is posing the threat?   Other kids?   Being bullied?  Their teacher?   The curriculum?   Is it too hard and the teacher doesn’t know how to individualize and meet your child where they are at?   Is it too easy and they are bored out of their minds?  Is the teacher’s teaching style and your child’s learning style in direct conflict?  Does your child thrive in a more hands on project based, movement based learning environment and they are being forced to sit down and be quiet for too many hours a day?   Do they feel like they don’t fit in?   Are they having friend troubles?  Is it the workload?   Too much homework?  Not enough play/free time?

What is Going on at Home? 

Is your student suffering from separation anxiety?    If they are experiencing anxiety ask yourself if it is a result of any of the school related things or is there something that has recently happened on the home front that could be leading to the desire to stay close to home?   Separation, divorce, a loss of any kind could lead to this. Is favorite Grandma and Grandpa coming for a visit from out of town?   Did mom or dad recently start traveling for work?

It may take some sorting through to get to the root of the issue, but make sure your child is empowered and made to feel understood and heard.   Let them know you want to help them and to get to the bottom of why they are feeling this way and that together you will be able to make it better.

Things to consider:

• Talk to your child’s teacher and get feedback
• Talk with your schools counselor and ask for support and insight
• Talk to the building principal and ask for their help
• Talk to an outside counselor/therapist that deals with school refusal, social anxiety etc.
• Get outside academic and intellectual testing so you understand your child’s specific baseline learning needs and level
• What are your level of expectations for the child?   Do you need to adjust?   Are you expecting them to compare to a certain standard of performance and when they don’t they know you are disappointed?  Do you truly celebrate their “individual” style? Are you comparing them to siblings that love school?  Did you love school so you don’t get this at all?
• Do you need to pull them out of their current school environment and find a creative school alternative?
• Do you need to homeschool?
• Would a mentor, tutor, or non-family member bring value to your child’s problem?   Would they be able to support and help guide your student through some of the social issues that cause school refusal?

Uncovering the source of your child’s school avoidance will give you new insight into what makes your child so unique and so special.  Next time your morning begins with “Mom, I hate school!” remember you are on a path to find not just what your child hates, but also what they love.